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Hot Fuzz (Nicholas/Danny)

Title: Bugger the Sheets
Author/Artist: skitz_phenom
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: Food play, Slash, Porny stuff.
Word count: 2,353
Prompt: Hot Fuzz, Nicholas/Danny: ice cream, licking - "Just one Cornetto, give it to me."
Summary: Um, Nicholas, Danny and a Cornetto (original flavor).
A/N: I’m always a sucker for a good Nick/Danny prompt. :) I don’t think this was quite what the prompter was looking for, but this was my very loose interpretation - which sort of ran away with me! Also, I threw this together yesterday and part of today (which is probably the fastest I’ve ever ficced), and didn’t have a chance to get it beta’d so my apologies for that. All mistakes are my own.

“Danny,” Nicolas called out into the living room. From the flickering lights that reflected down the short hallway, he knew that Danny was still caught up in watching the end of a movie, so he wasn’t surprised when he didn’t get an immediate answer. “I’m going to do some reading and then get to bed.”

“Awright.” Danny’s reply came a few, distracted moments later. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

Nicholas doubted that he would. He was sitting through Die Hard with a Vengeance for the third time that week, and hadn’t showed any sign of lagging interest. Nicholas liked the movie well enough, but not enough to stay up late on a Sunday night just to watch the last half hour yet again. Stripping down to his boxers, Nicholas laid his neatly folded trousers and shirt on top of the dresser, and tossed his socks – ends carefully folded so they wouldn’t’ get separated – into the laundry basket.

He peeled back the top sheet and duvet, folding them at a neat angle across the middle of the bed and then sat down on its edge. His book, Supervision of Police Personnel, was set aside waiting for him and he picked it up from the nightstand and then slid his legs under the sheets and propped his back against a pillow and the headboard. Flipping to the book-marked page, he settled in for some reading before bed.

To his surprise, he looked up only a few minutes later to see Danny enter his bedroom; well, their bedroom now, he supposed, though Danny hadn’t officially moved in yet. The dark-haired man was dressed for bed, stripped down to his pants and an undershirt, and was peeling away the wrapper off of a Cornetto.

“Danny, what have I said about eating whilst in bed?”

His partner frowned, but continued plucking at the stubborn paper. “That I’m not allowed.”

Nicholas nodded. “Right, because we’ll get crumbs in the bed and the sheets will get messy.” He had rules about how often he washed the sheets and the risk of dribbling vanilla ice cream or melted bits of chocolate could throw his system all out of whack.

“It’s just one Cornetto.” Danny muttered.

“Danny, no.”

Having successfully peeled off the top tab, Danny licked at the bits that clung to the bottom of it.

Watching Danny lap at the small circle, Nicholas felt his breath catch, and his cock throb, and he had to shake his head to clear it. He wasn’t quite sure why Danny was being so uncharacteristically stubborn; he usually didn’t argue about such little things even if he didn’t’ always agree with them. Setting his forgotten book down on the nightstand, Nicholas got up and took two steps towards the other man. “Danny,” He said firmly; trying for authoritative but sounding just a bit breathy, “you don’t seem to be listening. I don’t want you eating that in bed.”

Danny looked up at him then, and there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Well, you’ll just have to help me finish it before we go to bed then.”

“I don’t like eating after ten, you know that.”

Twirling the cone in his fingers, twisting it one way, then the other so the swirling of chocolate on top spiraled inward and outward, Danny let his mouth curl into a slow grin. “Well, I weren’t thinking about you eating it, necessarily.” The twirling stopped suddenly and the ice cream confection tipped forward, slapping against Nicholas’s bare chest with a wet schplop. It left behind a smear of vanilla and flakes of chocolate.


“Sorry.” He didn’t sound the least bit apologetic. In fact, he hadn’t stopped grinning.

“Christ that’s cold.” Nicholas gave an exaggerated shiver. “Now I’ll have to get a towel.”

“No, ya won’t.” Before he could walk away, Danny shifted the ice cream out of the way, grabbed Nicholas by one arm and leaned forward to stop the mess from dripping down – with his tongue. He lapped at the sticky goo, lingering for a few extra seconds even after the mess was gone.

“Oh.” Nicholas exhaled. “Oh, I see.”

Danny picked his head back up and nodded. “Right. That’s got it.” He brandished the Cornetto once more. “So, do ya wanna help me finish it?”

“Oh yes, please.”

Once again, Danny let the top of the cone fall against Nicholas, tracing a streak across his chest from one nipple to the other. Steadying the other man with one big hand curved around his waist, he spared a moment to run his tongue around the rim of the cone to keep it from dripping, and then dipped his head to do the same to Nicholas’s chest. He swirled his tongue around one pebbled nipple, sucking and nipping to get it clean.

Nicholas moaned and swayed where he stood. God, Danny’s mouth felt good. Danny tightened his grip on the shallow above his hip bone and moved over to the other nipple, his tongue laving a trail of warmth that nicely contrasted against the cold. He drew back to study his handiwork, idly lapping at the ice cream cone again. “Don’t think I’m gonna be able to finish this with you standing.” He said after a moment with a mock-regretful shake of his head. “Probably be easier with you lyin’ down.”

“But the bed…” He protested even as Danny pushed him back onto it. “The sheets.”

“I promise I won’t let any of it get on the sheets. Well,” he amended as he looked at the rapidly melting cone. “I’ll try not to.” He climbed onto the bed after Nicholas, sitting astride his legs. The Cornetto dripped quite steadily onto Nicholas’s chest and belly. “Certainly is messy.” He mumbled, before leaning over to chase after all of the droplets.

It was almost a losing battle as the ice cream was melting faster than he could keep up, but Danny was nothing if not determined. Nicholas’s squirmed as the viscous fluid left chilly trails down the slope of his chest, pooling around his belly button. Then he whimpered and squirmed even more as Danny slurped it up. “Careful you don’t get brain freeze,” he half-chuckled, half-moaned.

Letting the creamy stuff drip across the taut stomach and even further down, Danny joined him in chuckling. “Better hope nothin’ else freezes.” He hooked a finger under the elastic of Nicholas’s boxers and tugged meaningfully.

Nicholas watched as Danny tried to balance the ice cream in one hand and work his pants off with the other. The potential for messy disaster, or at least very sticky underpants compelled him to intervene. “Give it to me.” He hissed gruffly as a heavy hand brushed errantly over his straining erection.

Danny looked up, puzzled for a moment, until he saw Nicholas reaching for the Cornetto. He handed it off with a grin, and both hands made quick work of divesting Nicholas of his boxers., Nicholas, meanwhile, took a few distracted licks of the rapidly diminishing ice cream, more to prevent it dripping than anything; but, as Danny’s hands strayed in interesting places, swallowing became difficult and he still ended up with a trail of vanilla down his chin.

“Oh, well now you’ve got some up there that needs cleanin’ off.” Danny crawled up the bed, bracing himself with a hand on each of Nick’s shoulders. The arm with the Cornetto was trapped between them, cone still held up to Nicholas’s mouth.

Lowering his mouth towards Nicks’, Danny’s tongue darted out first to the trail of white down his chin and then to the Cornetto just before their lips connected. The ice cream was cool and Danny’s mouth hot and Nicholas groaned at the sweetness and the sensation. As the kiss deepened their tongues twined frantically and their teeth clacked, and Nicholas’s fingers scrabbled at the air. The younger man kissed like he was devouring him just as he would one of his frozen treats. Nicholas felt it through his whole body.

Sucking Nicholas’s lower lip as he pulled back – and oh, how Nicholas loved that – Danny freed the arm that had been trapped between them and retrieved the Cornetto. Somehow, Nicholas had managed not to spill the rest of it over himself or the bed sheets. The ice cream had fully liquefied, so Danny tipped his head back and poured the runny vanilla into his mouth and then nibbled a little bit at the soggy top edge. With a loud smack of his lips he peered into the shell. “Just a bit left.”

He upended the cone, letting the last few drops spatter in a deliberate trail from the base of Nicholas’s throat down to his groin, and then raised an eyebrow at the empty cone. “Hmm, now what to do with this?” His gaze flicked over to a certain prominent portion of Nicholas’s anatomy. “Yeah,” he nodded. “That’ll do.”

“Danny, I don’t think…” Nicholas’s protest was cut off in a loud and indignant squawk as Danny placed the empty waffle cone over his jutting cock, sliding it down until it fitted snuggly over the tip. “Danny,” Nicholas sighed, sounding both annoyed and amused. “That’s just disturbing.”

Shutting him up with a sloppy, enthusiastic kiss, Danny pulled away only to drop his lips down Nicholas’s chin to follow the path of creamy drops and dollops. Licking and nibbling and sucking and even occasionally nipping, Danny devoured every last drop of ice cream as he made his way down his lover’s body. He stopped only when he reached the outrageously perched cone, which twitched a little as he neared it. He wrapped one hand around the base of Nicholas’s cock, holding him straight and firm, and then snapped the top of the cone off with his teeth.

“Danny! Jesus Christ, watch the teeth.”

Crunching eagerly, Danny gave a boneless shrug. “Relax, Nick. I’ll be careful.” And he bit off another inch of cone.

While somewhat wary at having sharp teeth crunching at sharp cone around his most tender bits, Nicholas also found himself quite enjoying the sensation of Danny’s tight fist and the slippery friction of the chocolate coated cone as Danny’s mouth worked at it. His enjoyment increased tenfold when Danny’s next bite just barely grazed the tip of his prick.

Good Christ, Danny had a talented mouth. He’d nibbled his way around the circumference of the cone several times, each move of his lips and his tongue and his teeth just barely touching, and ghosting and skimming over Nicholas’s over-sensitized skin. Now, all that remained of the Cornetto was a ring of waffle cone that rested on Danny’s tightly gripping fingers.

Nicholas looked down to see Danny looking up at him. His lips were poised just a breath away from Nicholas’s cock and he stroked his hand in a lazy motion up and down the shaft. “I’ll just get that last bit, shall I?”

“Yes, Danny.” Nicholas forced the words out with a gasp and nodded his head fervently. “Please, oh please do.”

Danny complied. He glided his tongue along the top length of Nicholas’s cock, slid it wetly over the tip and trailed it down the thick vein underneath. His practically prehensile tongue hooked the ring of waffle cone and tugged it, dragging the softened thing carefully back up Nicholas’s length until it cleared the tip. With a noise that sounded suspiciously like ‘Ta Da’, he sucked in the last of the cone and munched it down.

Nicholas rolled his eyes, but that was due more to the fact that now that the final remnant of the frozen treat now finished off, Danny returned his attention to a treat of a different flavor. He practically shouted as the other man bobbed his head down to swallow him until the whole of his cock was engulfed by hot, moist mouth and tightly gripping fist. Hips bucking up off the bed, Nicholas’s body lunged to meet him while Danny’s other hand splayed over his hip and thigh, holding him firmly in place.

As over-sensitized as his body felt, and as eager as Danny was, it didn’t take long for that pressure to build. Nicholas’s toes curled and his fingers grasped frantically at Danny, threading through his dark hair and fisting desperately as his head bobbed faster and faster. After only a few minutes of sensual stroking and cheek-hollowing suction, Nicholas’s body quavered and matched Danny’s hand and mouth thrust for thrust.

“Oh fuck, Danny.” He shouted, his eyes screwed shut so tight he was seeing stars. “Fuck yeah… That’s it. Right there… oh Danny!” He gasped suddenly, and his entire body went taut as he came.

A few minutes later, Danny scooted over to lay propped on one elbow watching Nicholas, who had collapsed against the pillows and was panting to catch his breath. “Hate to break it too ya, Nick.” He said solemnly. “But I think I got some Cornetto on the sheets.”

“Oh bugger the sheets.” Nicholas said with a breathy laugh. “And after that, I think we can bugger the whole eating in bed rule.” He lolled his head towards his partner with a satiated grin. “Although I think we will have to change the sheets before we go to sleep or we’ll end up stuck to them.” Danny chuckled and nodded and made to get up, but Nicholas reached over to hold him down. “I said before we go to sleep. And I don’t’ think either of us is ready to sleep just yet.” He emphasized his point with a firm squeeze of Danny’s hard on.

Danny groaned his approval and Nicholas rolled the bigger man over onto his back, divested him of his shirt and pants, tossing them haphazardly towards the foot of the bed. Then he crawled backwards, hopped off the bed and headed out of the room.

“Hey,” Danny called after him in frustrated bewilderment, “where you goin’?”

Nicholas paused in the doorway, his torso was glistening with the damp and sticky remnants of his own sweat and come and the ice cream and Danny’s eager mouth. Smirking, he replied, “To get another Cornetto!”


( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 9th, 2007 11:56 pm (UTC)
That's delightful!
Oct. 10th, 2007 07:09 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!!
Oct. 10th, 2007 12:10 pm (UTC)
Aaaahaha that was so great, man. I lol'd when he put the cone on Nick's cock XD; I thoroughly enjoyed this~ really hot, and well written. :3

“Hate to break it too ya, Nick.” He said solemnly. “But I think I got some Cornetto on the sheets.” I can imagine that so well XDD
Oct. 10th, 2007 07:11 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for the fabulous feedback! I'm especially glad to hear you found it hot! YAY! XD - Had to find someplace to put the cone!
Oct. 11th, 2007 08:06 pm (UTC)
That's brilliant! Thank you!

Genius use and application of Cornettos! :-D
Oct. 11th, 2007 09:32 pm (UTC)
You're very welcome - and thank you!!

Hee... I especially enjoyed writing about the cone! *sheepish grin*
Oct. 11th, 2007 11:40 pm (UTC)
You're insane, filthy minded, and there's some things you just don't do with a cornetto. :applauds:
Oct. 12th, 2007 03:57 am (UTC)
You know, I think that's absolutely the best feedback I've ever gotten! Thank you so very much! :bows:
Oct. 12th, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC)
Cornetto sex! I'm so in love. OMG this was hot. And funny...I love the parts about Nick's OCD ways and his bedtime reading.

Anyway: Hot. Oh so hot. Meltingly hot. Dripingly hot...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Oct. 17th, 2007 07:15 pm (UTC)
YAY! Thanks so much for the awesome comment!! I'm so glad you enjoyed! Especially that you found it hot, heh! And I couldn't resist making Nicholas the kind of guy who folds his clothes before bed. LOL.

Btw - I'm uber-way-behind on reading fic on sandfordpolice (thanks to having this and a couple of other fic challenge deadlines to meet) - but I'm just starting to archive the stories for the Fic Index and it's giving me the opportunity to catch up! I've seen your name quite a few times and I'm really looking forward to reading your stuff!! (So if comments from me suddenly start showing up - you'll know why!)
Oct. 12th, 2007 09:33 pm (UTC)
That was just delicious!! And porny! Hooray!
Oct. 17th, 2007 07:07 pm (UTC)
*giggles* Delicious - I love it! Thanks for the great comment!!

Gorgeous icon, btw.
Oct. 12th, 2007 09:48 pm (UTC)
Oh, I do love a good bit of icecream porn. Excellent work (and yeah, couldn't help but laugh at the business with the upended cone).
Oct. 17th, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! *Snicker* Yeah, I just couldn't resist the opportunity for naughty fun with ice cream. I almost balked at including the upended cone... almost. I'm glad I didn't. :)
Oct. 13th, 2007 10:04 am (UTC)
Nnnnnnngh. That was hot. I think the reason that cornetto was melting so fast was that it couldn't hold up against the mad hotness of the concept, let alone the execution. And the execution was very, very hot. Well done.
Oct. 17th, 2007 07:02 pm (UTC)
Ohh! I like non-verbal responses. Thanks so much for the fabulous comment! I'm beyond thrilled that you found it hot in both concept and execution. It's always great to know that something 'worked' the way you intended. Thanks so much!!
Oct. 14th, 2007 05:06 am (UTC)
So awesome! You are full of win!
Oct. 17th, 2007 06:59 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you!! I'm so glad you liked it!!
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:56 pm (UTC)
“Danny,” Nicholas sighed, sounding both annoyed and amused. “That’s just disturbing.”

Ha. I love how you put that in there, in a way that realistically interrupts the moment (because I think that's just how Angel would react to Danny's...innovation) but doesn't derail it. Somehow it just anchors the whole scene.

The many uses of ice cream, eh? Bet they don't put that on the package.
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )



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